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[ n e v e r . w a s . w o r t h . a . d a m n ] “Hey, Dad,’ Ari said, turning to face him. “Can me and Uzi go play the arcade games over there?’ “Uzi and I,’ Uzi said quietly. Ari rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Uzi. Uzi and I, may Uzi and I go play arcade games?’ “Oh,’ Chas said, looking past Ari to the arcade games. “I don't know, I can't really see them from…’ “They'll be alright, Chassie,’ Royal said, turning around and waving at the man behind the register. “Hey, Robert, would you mind keeping an eye on my grandsons while they play the arcade games?’ “Sure, Mr. Tenenbaum,’ the lanky man said, nodding and smiling. “Well,’ Chas said, smiling at his sons. “Alright then, go play.’ “Thanks Dad,’ Ari said, smiling brightly and hugging his father before darting across the room with Uzi. Chas smiled into his banana split and dug his spoon into the heaping mound of vanilla ice cream on the side. “I don't know where they got their free spirit from… certainly not me.’ Royal laughed. “Must have been a recessive gene,’ he said, laughing again. “Or… I honestly didn't know Rachael that well,’ he said regretfully. “Was she…’ “No, not really,’ Chas said, shaking his head. “I mean, more than I am, but… not really.’ “Well they're kids,’ Royal said, smiling and looking over his shoulder. “They'll grow into their neuroses I'm sure.’ “I think they've taken to you a little more than I originally wanted,’ Chas said, laughing slightly. “Or expected.’ Royal nodded, smiling. “Then again, you originally didn't want them to take to me at all.’ “Well,’ Chas said, raising an eyebrow at him. “Can you blame me? We never did this,’ he said, gesturing between the empty ice cream dishes. “Or anything, really.’ “I know,’ Royal said heavily. “And I regret that, Chassie… I really do.’ “Why is that,’ Chas asked, the nonchalant expression on his face only half believable. “I mean, why didn't you…’ “Cause I never was worth a damn, Chas,’ Royal said, leaning forward. “It wasn't personal, it was me. You know that right? It wasn't your fault.’ Chas nodded, still looking down at his half melted ice cream. “Sure…’ “Oh, Chas,’ Royal said in a sigh, leaning back in his chair. “I was hoping we wouldn't have to get into this.’ “What? No, no, I was just…’ Chas sighed, setting his spoon down. “You're right… new leaf. Fresh start…’ “That was a pipe dream,’ Royal said with a laugh. “Nothing's ever fresh. Fresh is for things with no memories… like birds, or mosquitoes.’ “Mosquitoes,’ Chas repeated with a laugh. “Or other things that don't have memories,’ Royal said, waving a hand dismissively. “The point I'm making is that nothing can ever start fresh. I wish like hell it could, but…’ He sighed again, tapping his fingers on the table. “The reason I did things with Richie--’ “Nevermind, Dad,’ Chas said, looking back down at his ice cream. “We don't have to--’ “Was because he didn't judge me,’ Royal continued, not letting Chas interrupt him. “I didn't…’ Chas shook his head, sighing again. “I was five, Dad, I didn't judge you.’ “Richie was a laid back kind of kid, Chassie. You weren't. You had your suit, and your office, and your vocabulary out of Webster's…’ Royal sighed, thinking for a moment. “I just, you got your feelings hurt easily. You were moody, and…’ Chas laughed, shaking his head. “Yes, I see how none of this was my fault.’ Royal shook his head, reaching out a hand to cover Chas'. “If I were any kind of father… if I were worth a damn, I would have connected anyway. But I took the easy way out. I'm not saying you and Margot were deeper than Richie, because he's deep as well. But he was always the kind of kid to let it roll off his back.’ Chas nodded. “Right, yeah… I can see that.’ Royal sighed, picking up a cigar and lighting it, paying no attention to the 'no smoking' sign behind Chas' shoulder. “I was just emotionally closed-off, Chassie,’ he said quietly. “I didn't feel the easiness right off the bat, and I didn't make the attempts to acquire one.’ He nodded, frowning. “If I'd have been worth a damn as a man, I would have.’ “So,’ Chas said quietly, stirring the melted ice cream around in his bowl. “It's not that you didn't love me…’ “It's that I didn't love anyone, Chassie,’ Royal said. “I didn't love anyone enough, not even myself. Not your mother, not you, not Margot, and not even Richie.’ “Then why'd you do stuff with Richie,’ Chas asked, his eyes flickering up to look at him for a moment. Royal shrugged. “I'm not sure, kid. I guess I just… I honestly couldn't tell you.’ “Well, it would have meant a lot to me,’ Chas said quietly, stabbing his spoon into the banana and not eating the bite he came up with. “And to Margot.’ “I sure do hate that,’ Royal said softly, smiling at him. “I wish I'd connected to you kids sooner.’ Chas looked up at him with sad eyes, and set his spoon down again. “Then why do you have it with my kids, do you think? Are they… are they more fun? Are they better kids?’ Royal shook his head. “You were a great kid, Chassie. Never gave your mother or me any problems. Smart as a whip. Polite. Kept to yourself.’ “But why…’ “For a moment back there,’ Royal said, holding up a hand for Chas to let him finish. “I forgot I wasn't really sick. I forgot I was pretending. And in that moment, I realized how empty my life was. And believe it or not… I hated to realize that I'd created that for myself.’ “And Ari and Uzi?’ “Ari and Uzi didn't have a history with me. They didn't think of me as a bad father, they didn't know me as this guy who was never there for the people he should have been there for.’ He laughed, tapping the ashes off of his cigar into his half empty ice cream dish. “They just knew me as this guy, who claimed to be their grandfather, that entered their life. I guess it was like… like if I could be the right kind of person to them, I could maybe try to make up for being the wrong person all those years before.’ “Well they love you,’ Chas said quietly, looking back down. “And… I do too, Dad. It's not easy, and sometimes I wish I didn't but…’ “I know, Chassie,’ Royal said, reaching over and taking Chas' hand in his. “I love you too.’ “You know,’ Chas said, laughing slightly. “I think Rachael actually would have liked you.’ Royal smiled. “Why is that?’ “Because you say what's on your mind,’ he said, shrugging. “Which some people can take as rude, or overly harsh, but I think she… I think Rachael would have liked it.’ “I'm awful sorry I never did get to know her, Chassie,’ Royal said, frowning. “She sounds like a fine lady.’ “She was,’ Chas said quietly. “Anyway, I'm glad my boys are getting to know you. I think you're actually, surprisingly, a good influence.’ Royal laughed, throwing his head back as he did so. “Is that so?’ “Yeah,’ Chas said, laughing. “They need someone in their life that can show them some fun… I'm not able to.’ “You will be,’ Royal said. “Give it time, son.’ “But I was never fun,’ Chas said. “You said it yourself… with my suits, and my vocabulary, and my seriousness… I was never fun.’ Royal shrugged. “So take some lessons from me. Learn to be fun.’ Chas laughed, shaking his head. “How do you learn to be fun?’ “You take all those things that your brain tells you not to do,’ Royal said, a smile creeping across his face. “And do them.’ “I don't think I can do that,’ Chas said. “Sure you can, Chassie my boy,’ Royal said as the kids made their way back over to their table. “Baby steps… baby steps.’ “Dad,’ Ari said, sitting back down next to him. “Can we ride the garbage truck today?’ Chas looked at Ari and Uzi, and shrugged. “I guess… ask your Grandfather.’ “You wanna go, Pappy,’ Uzi asked, looking up at him expectantly. “Sure, kiddo,’ Royal said. “I'm always up for some mischief.’ “Will you come Dad,’ Ari asked, looping his arm through Chas'. “Please?’ “Oh,’ Chas said, laughing and shaking his head. “I don't think so, I think I'll just wait for you guys here…’ “Please, Dad,’ Uzi said, leaning over the table to deliver puppy dog eyes at him. “I don't think…’ “Baby steps, Chassie,’ Royal taunted below his breath, winking at him. “Baby steps.’ “I…’ Chas looked between his boys and his eyes landed on Royal. “Alright,’ he said begrudgingly. “But just this once.’ “That's all it takes,’ Royal whispered to the kids on their way out the door. “One ride and he'll be hooked.’ “I can't believe he said yes,’ Ari whispered back. “Dad never does that kind of stuff.’ “He's trying, kiddo,’ Royal said, looking over at Chas as he checked to make sure Uzi's shoes were tied securely. “One day you may not even remember the guy that never did anything fun.’ Ari laughed. “Right.’ “Never say never, Ari,’ Royal said, his hand on his shoulder as he scanned the street for the garbage sweeper. “You'll always be wrong.’ |