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Notes: This takes place after Eli crashes the car into the house, and after Chas has thrown him over the wall and followed. I'm fuckin' with the timeline a little, and making Royal and Henry take a little longer to reach them then they probably actually did... it's just a snippet of a scene, a sort of "missing scene" if you will. Also, I'd like to thank the band Dinosaur Junior for setting the atmosphere of this fic... I didn't know they would, and tried many other cd's, but they're the ones that did it. [ n e v e r . g r e e n ] by kHo He didn't even bother to try to get up and run when Chas catapulted over the wall and landed next to him. By that point he'd decided he deserved whatever he got, and anyway Chas' face seemed a little too drawn to start all over again. He waited until he was lying next to him to speak up, and steeled himself for what he knew was going to be a decidedly uncomfortable conversation. “Did I hit the dog?’ Eli asked quietly, staring up at the bright blue sky of clouds above him. “Yeah,’ came the defeated response. He paused, blinking quietly. “Is he dead?’ A pause, a beat too long. “Yeah.’ He sighed, almost closing his eyes but not. “I need help,’ he whispered, shaking his head almost imperceptibly. “So do I,’ Chas said from next to him. It was an odd feeling, this kinship he suddenly felt with Chas. Like maybe Chas understood where he was. Like maybe Chas was there, too. Henry's son poked his head over the wall and told whomever he was talking to that they should go around, but Eli suddenly wished he were somewhere that couldn't be reached by anyone at that house. Casting a sidelong glance at Chas he got the feeling Chas felt the same way. “I'm sorry I threw you over the wall,’ Chas said quietly, lacing his hands over his stomach calmly. Everything a Tenenbaum did was done with such precision, such affected grace, that it was hard to think of a Tenenbaum as the kind of person that would chase someone down the hall and throw him over a wall. Then again, Chas had always been the 'different' one, the one that didn't fit quite completely with the clan. Margot had always claimed that title as her own but it fit her less than she wanted it to. “I deserved it,’ Eli answered back, finally closing his eyes. “I deserved worse.’ “Yes, you did,’ Chas said back with a ghost of a smile. “Just the same… I'm sorry.’ “I'm so fucked,’ Eli said, suddenly feeling the need to come clean, to come up with some sort of plausible excuse for ramming his car into the side of their estate. Not that there was one, but that he had one. “I can't even tell you what I was thinking…’ “You don't have to,’ Chas said, looking at him slightly. “Somehow I think I get it anyway.’ Eli smiled slightly. “I highly doubt that, but that's sweet of you to say.’ Chas sat up, reaching down and brushing off a few pebbles that had stuck to his pants when he'd landed in the rock garden. “You think I've never wanted to destroy this house? You think I've never hated this family so much I wanted it to just disappear?’ “That's not…’ Eli paused, pinching the bridge of his nose, “…completely it.’ “The only thing that kept me from doing it was Rachael, and after…’ “Yeah,’ Eli said, sitting up and facing him. “Did I ever tell you how sorry I was that she--’ “So all I have now is the kids and…’ Chas paused, taking a deep breath and smoothing his suit down nervously and avoiding Eli's gaze. “And I really think it's time I had more than that… for them atleast.’ “Your kids are great though,’ Eli said, hugging his knees to him. “Cute kids…polite. Sweet…’ Chas nodded, smiling. “Yeah, despite me they've turned out great.’ Eli shook his head, reaching out and placing a hand on Chas' arm. “Because of you, Chas.’ “I suffocate them.’ “You love them.’ Chas nodded, taking Eli off guard with the raw pain in his eyes when he looked at him. “I suffocate them with love,’ he said, his voice strangled. Finding it impossible to meet his eyes anymore Eli shifted his gaze to his hand on Chas' arm, squeezing slightly before letting go. “At least you have someone to love,’ he said quietly. “Have love to give.’ Chas shook his head. “That's not your problem,’ he said softly. “Your problem is that you gave it to the wrong person.’ Eli laughed, nodding. “Well, that's not untrue.’ Chas looked at him for a moment until Eli finally met his gaze. “I don't know why she doesn't love you, Eli. I wish she did.’ Eli laughed at that, and then quickly covered his mouth. “Oh, I know why. I've always known why.’ Chas frowned, shaking his head. “Okay…’ “Nothing,’ Eli said, shaking his head. “Doesn't matter… the thing I need to worry about right now is getting control of this…’ He paused, flicking guilty eyes at Chas and picking at imaginary lint on his pants. “Thing.’ “Rehab,’ Chas asked, smiling at Eli's surprised look. “Richie mentioned that you were going through something with drugs.’ Eli nodded. “I suppose I deserve that.’ Chas shook his head. “He wasn't punishing you, Eli. He was concerned.’ He looked at Eli for a moment, chewing on his lip. “And after seeing what just happened, I am too.’ “Ya know,’ Eli said, laughing and shaking his head. “All my life, that's all I wanted. Just to be a Tenenbaum. Have this family give a rat's ass about me…’ “We did…’ “Royal didn't,’ Eli said. “Never did.’ “Royal didn't give a shit about anyone, Eli,’ Chas said, and his bitter tone wasn't as pronounced as it once had been. “I got it, it turns out,’ Eli said with an ironic smile. “Went about it in a completely fucked way, but… I finally got it, it seems.’ Chas smiled, nodding. “You think the grass is greener, but it never is, is it?’ he asked, standing up slowly as he saw Royal and Henry enter the garden. Eli accepted the outstretched hand and stood on two wobbly feet. “I guess not.’ [ previous page ]