[ m a n . t o .m a n ]
by kHo

He was five minutes from picking up and heading out when Chas appeared in the doorway, looking simultaneously angry and regretful. Royal smiled and waved him over, waiting for him to sit before nodding at him and putting his cigar out. “Thought you might not show, Chassie,’ he said gruffly, his tone softened by the grin on his face.

Chas nodded, looking down at his Adidas tracksuit and frowning as he picked at the beginnings of a fray on the sleeve. “I almost didn't.’

“Well, I'm awful glad you did,’ Royal said, motioning to the waiter to bring them another menu. He took a sip of his iced tea and watched as Chas fidgeted in his chair and looked altogether out of place. “What changed your mind?’

Chas smiled slightly and shrugged. “Uzi.’

“He's a fine young man,’ Royal said, his grin widening. “Don't know why he'd take to an old codger like me, but it seems he has.’

“He said what if it were him not coming to see me, instead,’ Chas said, looking down at the menu. “He's too young to understand there are some fundamental differences between you and I and him and I.’

“Like the fact that I'm a prick,’ Royal says, laughing and nodding. “Ah, to be young and ignorant.’

Chas frowned at him. “He's not stupid…’

“Ignorant, Chassie,’ Royal said, his smile subduing slightly. “Not stupid. Uzi just doesn't know any better.’

Chas shook his head. “He thinks you've changed. He thinks that whatever it was that happened between us doesn't matter any more, because you're here now.’

“And you,’ Royal asked, reaching over and spreading some butter onto the breadstick he'd just picked up. “What do you think?’

“I think some things are just better left where they are,’ he said quietly.

A smile spread across Royal's face that was quickly replaced by nonchalance as he looked back at Chas. “Then why are you here?’

“Don't they have anything here that's not slathered in butter,’ Chas muttered, still staring at the menu as the waiter walked up.

“Try the tuna,’ Royal said, letting the none too subtle rebuff slide off his shoulders. “It's more smothered than slathered.’

Chas mouth twitched for a moment, a smile almost slipping out, before it settled back into its stoic mask. “I think I'll just have the salad,’ he said to the waiter.

“Don't you ever laugh,’ Royal said after placing his order and the waiter had left, his eyebrows punched together. “Ever?’

Chas frowned at him, shrugging. “Sure I laugh.’

“What makes you laugh, Chas,’ Royal asked, leaning forward on the table with rapt attention. “Three stooges? Hogan's Hero's? Satire?’

Chas sighed, rolling his eyes. “I don't know.’

“I don't buy it,’ Royal said, leaning back and placing his napkin in his lap. “I don't think you ever laugh.’

“I laugh,’ Chas said, his voice a hard line.

“I hope you do, boy,’ Royal said, lowering his voice as the waiter laid Chas' drink on the table on his pass by to the next table. “Because you're not getting laid, and the next best thing to that is a good hearty laugh.’

Chas' eyes blazed and his nostrils flared, and it was all he could do to not toss his drink at his father. “Shut up,’ he hissed, leaning forward. “You know nothing about it.’

“You're right,’ Royal said, nodding. “I don't. And that's my fault.’

Chas nodded, glaring at him before sitting back in his chair and crossing his arms. “You leave Rachael out of any conversation we have, you hear me old man? You leave her out of it.’

“I wasn't talking about Rachael, Chas,’ Royal said with a smile and a slight chuckle. “A man needs forms of release, is all I'm saying.’

“She's only been gone a year,’ Chas said quietly.

“Another way to say that, Chas, is to say she's *already* been gone a year,’ Royal countered, raising an eyebrow at him. “You think Rachael would want the father of her sons to live his life as an uptight monk? Did she love you at all?’

Chas glared at him for a moment longer and then slammed his napkin on the table and started to stand. “I knew better than to come here,’ he muttered.

“Woah, son, back up the train,’ Royal said, laughing and placing a hand on Chas' arm. He pushed him back into his chair and rested his hand on top of Chas. “Do you know why I invited you here tonight?’

“To torture me,’ Chas asked sarcastically, his eyes wide and angry.

“Because I've spent the last six months getting to know your sons,’ he said, taking his hand cautiously from on top of Chas. When Chas didn't leave he smiled and continued. “And I am eternally grateful to you for allowing me that…’

“I didn't do it for you, I did it for them,’ Chas said evenly.

“Oh, believe me I know that,’ Royal said with a chuckle. “But what I realized, while I was taking them to the park, and teaching them how to make stink bombs…’

“You taught them how to make stink bombs,’ Chas hissed at him, leaning forward and glaring at him. “You had no right to…’

“Easy,’ Royal said, laughing again. “Will you let me finish?’

“Go on,’ Chas said, crossing his arms and settling back in his chair, fixing Royal with a challenging look.

“What I realized is that I remember doing that with Richie,’ he continued. “But not with you.’

“So?’

“So that must have hurt you, Chas,’ Royal said, watching Chas for any signs of him softening towards him. “I'd like to apologize for that.’

“Consider yourself absolved,’ Chas said, his eyes drifting over to look at the door. “Can I go now?’

“No, damnit,’ Royal said, slamming his fist into the table. “I'm determined to have this out with you once and for good, boy!’

“What do you want from me,’ Chas growled at him, leaning forward. “You want forgiveness? You want acceptance? You want undying love from your son? Get it from Richie.’

“I don't need it from Richie, kiddo,’ he said softly. “I need it from you.’

“Too bad.’

A terse silence fell over the table as the waiter came over with their order. Chas angrily stabbed at his lettuce, a tomato skittering over the table top and onto the floor unnoticed. Royal stared at his steak and felt his resolve begin to flicker. “I realized something else,’ he said, beginning to cut his steak into bite-sized pieces.

Chas let out a humorless laugh and let his fork drop to his plate. “What now? Did you realize you shouldn't have stolen my bonds?’

Royal laughed. “I realized that when you sued me, Chassie.’

“Good,’ Chas said, shaking his head and picking back up his fork. “Cause, ya know, I'd hate to think it took you this long. Never thought you were a dumb man, just a horrible excuse of one.’

Royal sat back in his chair, wondering how it was that after all these years of not caring one sentence could slice through him so wholly. “Is that what you think of me? As a horrible excuse of a man?’

Chas looked up at him and for a moment looked regretful. His eyes flickered down and then back up again as he licked his lips. “Sometimes,’ he said softly.

“You're right,’ he said regretfully, shaking his head and realizing that he would not be eating the $15 steak he'd just cut up in bits. “I am.’

Chas looked at him and sighed, setting his fork down. “Not to my boys, you're not,’ he said quietly. “Maybe that should count for more than I'm letting it.’

“Do you think a man can change,’ Royal asked, reaching over and grabbing his half smoked cigar and relighting it. “Do you think it's possible for an old dog like me to learn new tricks?’

Chas chewed thoughtfully on his lower lip, nodding. “Abstractly, I do.’

Royal laughed, taking a puff off of his cigar and letting the acrid smoke curl up towards the ceiling. “What does that mean, abstractly you do?’

“I think men can change,’ Chas said, avoiding his eyes. “I'm just not sure I think *you* can.’

“Well,’ Royal said, smiling ironically and shaking his head. “If nothing else, you're blunt.’

“What do you want me to say, Dad,’ Chas said quietly. “It's been an awfully long time, I'm supposed to buy that you woke up one day with this magnanimous epiphany?’

“No, I suppose you're not,’ Royal said, letting out another puff of thick smoke. “But why should that stop us from relating to one another?’

Chas laughed, looking at him. “Meaning?’

“You laughed,’ Royal said, smiling and winking at him. “Maybe you weren't lying before.’

Chas laughed again, shaking his head. “What do you mean?’

“I mean, not as father and son, Chas,’ Royal said, nodding at him. “Maybe you're right, and maybe it's too late for us to be family. Maybe I can't change, or maybe I just haven't.’ He looked at Chas and smiled. “But maybe that doesn't mean you can't like me, man to man, Chas.’

Chas shook his head, chewing on a bite of his salad. “There's too much history.’

“Men can change, Chassie,’ Royal said, nodding and motioning towards him. “Maybe I can't, but maybe you can. Maybe you can give an old dog a chance.’

Chas smiled, shrugging. “I don't know.’

“You never know,’ Royal said. “Maybe your old man can make you laugh.’

“Why,’ Chas asked, looking at him questioningly. “Why now?’

“Why now,’ Royal asked, thinking to himself. “I don't know why now, Chas. Because your sons deserve a father who doesn't have a horrible history with his own father. Because your wife died and I think you need something in your life that's not about protecting or guarding. Because I have high-blood pressure, and I'm in my 60's anyway. Maybe because it's Saturday, who knows.’

“I laugh,’ Chas said quietly. “Not as much as I used to, but I laugh.’ He pushed his lettuce around on his plate and raised an eyebrow. “Not just the Three Stooges,’ he said with a smile. “Abbot and Costello, Laurel and Hardy… Robin Williams.’

Royal smiled, leaning back in his chair. “We used to watch Abbot and Costello when you were a kid,’ he said quietly. “Do you remember…’

“I remember,’ he said quietly, his eyes flicking up at him as he smiled.

“But I'm talking about everyday things, Chassie,’ Royal continued, motioning wildly with his hands. “There's an old saying about you have to either laugh or cry… and I get the feeling you've had enough of the latter.’

Chas nodded slowly, clearing his throat. “You're not wrong.’

“Okay,’ Royal said, smiling as if he'd won a battle. “That's what I'm saying.’

Chas smiled, shaking his head. “So what are you saying we do about it? You saying we go to the tracks? You teach me how to build stink bombs?’

“Yeah,’ Royal said, laughing and nodding, picking up his fork as his appetite surged back to life. “Maybe we have dinner on the weekends, or maybe brunch. Maybe you come out with me and the boys. Or maybe we just talk.’

“Man to man,’ Chas asked, still smiling.

“Man to man, Chassie,’ Royal said with a grin. “Me and you.’

Chas nodded, laughing slightly and shaking his head. “One thing though.’

“Name it, kiddo,’ Royal said, popping a bite of steak into his mouth.

“Not many men go by Chassie, Dad,’ he said, his grin widening. “Maybe we'll go with Chas.’

“We'll see,’ Royal said with a wink.

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