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[ i t . d o e s n ' t . m a t t e r ] by kHo Eli folded his arms, looking at Richie from across the table. “Well?’ Richie sighed, placing his palms flat on the table. “Eli…’ “What did you think I meant, yesterday,’ Eli asked. “I didn't know what to think,’ Richie said soothingly, his voice soft. “I told you I loved you,’ Eli said, shaking his head and leaning back. “And you just left.’ “I know, Eli,’ Richie said, sighing again. “I'm sorry.’ “Well,’ Eli said, looking away and tapping his cigarette into his old cup of coffee. “I guess I have my answer.’ “Eli…’ “No, Richie, ya know what,’ Eli said, raising his eyebrows and shrugging. “Forget it. It was stupid, I know that now.’ “I didn't know what to think, Eli,’ Richie said, his voice sounding strained. “You came out of nowhere with that--’ “Nowhere to you,’ Eli said, pointing at him. “Me, I've been knowing this for years.’ “You're in love with me,’ Richie asked, licking his lips. “Ever since I can remember,’ Eli said softly. “Not that it matters.’ “What does that mean,’ Richie asked. “I don't…’ “It means it doesn't matter,’ Eli said with a sad smile. “You're in love with your sister, I'm in love with you. Everyone goes home empty handed, and it's always been that way, and it always will. And it doesn't matter.’ “It does matter,’ Richie insisted, leaning forward. “I don't want to hurt you, Eli.’ “Too bad,’ he said, his smile widening a little. “I just thought you should know why we can't be friends any more.’ Richie sat back abruptly, his eyebrows rising. “What?’ “I thought you should--’ “I heard you,’ Richie said, frowning. “What's this about not being friends anymore?’ “Do you love me, Richie,’ Eli asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. “Not friendly love, not love as a person… love. Like I love you?’ Richie took a deep breath, looking down. “I don't know, Eli.’ Eli shook his head, looking away again. “You're not helping anyone by being evasive, Richie.’ “I don't know, Eli,’ Richie said, his tone exasperated. “I've never thought of you that way, but… that's not to say I… couldn't.’ Eli snorted. “Yeah, I want you to do that, Richie. I want you to force yourself to feel the same way about me I feel about you.’ “That's not what I meant,’ Richie said quietly. “I meant I don't know if I do, because I've never let myself think about it.’ Eli nodded, dropping his cigarette into the remnants of ashes and hours old coffee in the cup and standing. “Think about it now,’ he said, looking at him. “This isn't something I can decide on demand, Eli,’ Richie said, looking sadly up at him. “If you did, Richie,’ Eli said, his smile so sad it made Richie's heart ache for him. “It wouldn't take any time at all.’ “Eli…’ “We can't be friends any more,’ Eli said, turning away, facing the opposite wall. “It hurts too much.’ “Eli, please don't…’ “Go home, Richie.’ [ previous page ]