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[ Bender & The Lee ] by kHo I´ve never actually thought of being with another man before. Not really. Oh sure, the occasional thought that Burt Reynolds is sexy in his own way. Perhaps spending too much time admiring how good he looks in those jackets he wears, and the hats that only he pulls off so well. But never actually thought of kissing him. Not consciously anyway. There might have been a dream here or there, but as most dreams, nothing I can really recall with any clarity. So, no, I´ve never actually looked at another man and had a desire for him. That is, until now. Until this fucking movie, until he came around. It´s not like this is my first time meeting him, it´s not even my first working experience with him. We worked together on one other movie, my first actually, but we were antagonists in that movie. He was the Smokey to my Bandit. Well, not me to him, actually, but his character to mine. But Kev wrote this great script, and he pitted Ben and I together as best friends, and it sort of developed out of that. There´s a kinship we have, and whether that´s our mutual respect for Kev´s writing talent or something we actually just have developed on our own I´m not sure. It doesn´t matter now, because it´s all fucked five ways from Sunday. There´s a kissing scene in this movie, and it´s not even that really. In the end it winds up being a two second mauling that ends with me being thrown on the couch and him averting his eyes back to Joey to continue the scene. So it´s not the movie´s version that´s got my nuts in a twist. It´s the beforehand that does. It´s the rehearsal that wound up being a lot more than either of us had anticipated that´s got me fucked up in the head. Kev told us the day before that the kissing scene would be the next day and that Ben and I should work out exactly how it should go. I don´t know exactly why he told us that, because the day of he wound up telling us exactly how he wanted it, right down to where Ben´s hands would go and what my facial expression would look like. If we´d known that, maybe this whole situation could have been avoided and I wouldn´t be feeling guilty every time I look at my wife now that I´m back home. So that night he´d come to my hotel room with beer and pizza and we´d laughed ourselves out of the awkwardness that comes with knowing you´re about to have to kiss, fake or not, a guy friend of yours for a movie you´re doing. Looking back on it perhaps the beer was a bad idea, but at the time it served to loosen us up so that kissing each other didn´t seem so completely fucking awkward as it did stone cold sober. Ben´s pretty good at lightening the mood with jokes, hackneyed or not, and this was no exception. At first we started reading the whole scene before hand, the bulk of the dialogue being his. I´d stand up from the couch, say I was going to my room, and then the both of us would promptly break out in laughter. Ben broke open what would be his and my third beer and we drank it, talking about how ridiculous we were being. He joked that we were chauvinists for being so alright with my wife kissing Joey and then tittering like nervous school kids about our own less than heterosexual kiss, and I had to agree that he had a point. Finally we began running lines again, and this time when I stood up he grabbed me behind the ears and kissed me before I had the chance to start laughing again. He held me to him for a few seconds longer than was expressly needed according to the script but when he let me go I fell to the couch and didn´t even think about laughing. There was a combination of roughness and softness to his kiss that confused me. He asked me what I thought of it and I shrugged, avoiding his eyes. I knew that my character at that moment was to be thinking about the repercussions of Holden kissing him, and also mulling over the possibility that he was gay. Funny how life can sometimes imitate art, because at that moment I was feeling the beginnings of a stirring for Ben that had previously never crossed my mind. I told him it seemed about right, but he said it needed a little something more. The next time I stood he caught my eyes and held them for a few moments before reaching forward and pulling me to him roughly. He paused again before kissing me, his eyes searching mine. I´m honestly not sure if that search was acting or not. I´m not sure if he was, as Holden, wondering what to do to get Banky to stay in the room, or if it was him, wondering what I was feeling towards him at the moment. The kiss was a little longer, and a little slower, and only served to confuse me more. When he dropped me on the couch that time I could feel my head starting to spin and my dick begin to harden. My brain wasn´t computing what was happening and my body was reacting to him in a way that wasn´t entirely unpleasant but wholly disturbing to me. I told him I needed a moment and stood to go to the bathroom, but he grabbed me again and kissed me. This time wasn´t for the character, it wasn´t for the rehearsal, it wasn´t a scene read through. I had very clearly stated I was going to the bathroom, that I wasn´t in character. This was him… kissing me. His hands slid from my cheeks into my hair, and he pulled my head closer to his when I tried to back away. I told my hands to push him away, but they didn´t listen and instead grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him to me. He opened his mouth and when I felt his tongue dart out to lick at my lips my mouth opened before I told it to. His tongue was on mine, and one of his hands fell to the small of my back, meshing me closer to him. I think that´s when my brain stopped functioning. I´m not sure who was the first to growl into the kiss, or who started reaching for zippers first. I don´t know whose shirt came off first or whose teeth scraped over what throat. All I know is that I went from a bundle of confused thoughts to wanting nothing but his hands all over my body and knowing that his tongue on my nipple felt better than anything I´d felt in a long time from my wife. When his hand wrapped around my cock I know I let out an embarrassingly needy moan, and he laughed into my mouth. I´d heard Kev jokingly refer to Matt as Ben´s life-mate but I´d always chalked that up to the same kind of thing that Kevin and Mewes had: A sometimes flirtatious but completely harmless union of two heterosexual males. I´d never thought Ben and Matt had something going on, but I began to wonder as he began to stroke me with seemingly expert maneuvers. Then again, that could just be the byproduct of many lonely nights with only your right hand to keep you company. I tried to mimic his movements with my own, and I think he came around the same time I did, but they couldn´t have felt as good to him as his did to me. That might be because I was too distracted by what he was doing to me for me to concentrate, or that might have been because my arm was in an awkward position, I´m not sure. All I know is that I didn´t know he´s come till I felt it on my hand, which wasn´t until after my brain had stopped spinning from my own orgasm. When it was all done he´d kissed me slowly and gotten up, putting back on his pants and picking up the empty beer bottles. By the time I´d regained brain functionality he´d had all of the trash in the trashbag and ready by the door for the cleaning crew to cart off in the morning. He winked at me and said maybe we´d do a little less the next day on the set, and then he´d disappeared into the night to go to his own bed… which is actually the couch at Kev´s house. It happened several times after that while the shoot was still going on. Just when I was learning a few tricks to make him come harder and faster the shoot was over and it was time for me to come home and him to go off to his next movie. The night before we left he came over and we had beer and pizza and didn´t touch each other at all. He was all smiles and jokes and said that nothing happened between us that needed to mean anything more than what it was. Which I guess is all for the best, because I´m married, and I´m home with my wife now. And he´s off shooting a movie somewhere that´s not here, and I haven´t even heard from him in the two months it´s been since I last saw him. Kevin´s splicing together the movie and he´s told me it´s really something special, and I wonder if I´m going to be able to watch it without thinking about what went down between Ben and I behind the scenes. I guess none of it really matter though. Not really, not too much anyway. I guess I´ll chalk it up as one of those things that I should have experienced in college if I´d gone, and leave it as that. It´s a convenient excuse anyway.
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